Addictions

I decided to write about something I could really relate to this time. When it comes to being an expert on a subject, for me it’s easy: addiction.

There was a story about a man who was a long-time addict. He remembered his lowest point. He was laying in a field, too drunk to get up, and too drunk to fall asleep. He just kind of went in and out of consciousness waiting for enough liquor to pass through his system that he could get up and make his way home; or at least to a bed somewhere. He remembered a bright light shining on him. When he opened his eyes, he saw the fuzzy image of a policeman shining a flashlight at him. There was trouble on the property, and a fight had broken out. But this man was so obviously wasted the cop didn’t even consider him a threat. He left the man alone and went to check on other people on the property.

It’s pretty sad when a drunk teenager is so out of it that he can’t even cause trouble. The episode stuck with the man; and the image of the policeman is clearly visible in his memory. How worse off can you be than that, he thought. It’s a question I would ask too, especially considering that man in the story is me.

That incident happened some 30 years ago or so, but it haunts me to this day. I’m not really sure why. I should have been arrested — I was underage — but I caught a break. I guess that made up for the time when I was 14 or 15 and got arrested for trying to sell marijuana when in fact I was not trying to do that and was basically in the wrong place at the wrong time. That would probably count as another low spot in my earlier life, although I honestly cannot count that incident as the result of an addiction.

I think about the children and adolescents growing up today with so many worries that they should not have to deal with. Fortunately they are educated about the dangers of alcohol and drugs and most of them do not fall for that trap. It’s one of the Devil’s greatest tools. Yeah, I know the kids can still

still get into a lot of trouble, but — and this is not a challenge — they couldn’t hold a candle to us in those days. We were terrible — terrible!

I wish I could tell you that it got better right after that drinking incident but it did not. I went on to develop my drinking problem even further, and I added a couple of new addictions along the way. But something happened to me that changed my life. Over a period of 20 years, I slowly got away from these habits and found more positive things to hold on to. I can tell you that throughout those years of drugs, alcohol, trouble-making, indecent behavior — despite the fact that I tried to run away from him as fast as I could — there was someone with me through the whole journey. Because as soon as I turned to look for him, God was there.

God helped me break my addiction to cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana and cocaine. He did this by helping me find the church, discover the love of His people and the love of His son, Jesus Christ.

What I wish now is that I was done with all of my addictions, but I am not. There are some things that are harder to get away from than others. These addictions are powerful, and frustrating to live with. They separate me from a true relationship with God. I know He is aware of them, and He knows what needs to be done to deal with them. I know that God will one day cure me of all addictions. That will be a glorious day.

Addictions come in all forms. Who among us can say they don’t have any addictions? I hope that I can at least say I am facing my addictions, and with God’s help I am dealing with them. I know I can do better. Help us all, Lord.

Opportunities

Our graduates at my church were recognized in a brief ceremony in early June. I was fortunate to be a part of that. I too was asked to come up front and accept congratulations for my accomplishment of graduating from college. I did come up, with some mild urging, and I appreciate the acknowledgements.

The joke that morning was that I had to be strongly urged to participate; and there is truth to that. I really did have mixed feelings about being up there; besides the fact that everyone else was less than half my age.

I have been patted on the back, either physically or verbally, many times since I started school again at the age of 44. "It's so great that you're going back to school," or "What you're doing is very admirable," to name just a couple of examples. Well, maybe. The reason I was up there, 20 years later than I should have been, was because of all the bad choices I made earlier in life. There's no way of getting around that fact.

But what is also true is despite my failings, I have still been given more chances to turn my life around: opportunities. I had an opportunity at age 19 to go to college. I went, even though I did not want to, and my grades reflected that. So thinking I was smart enough to do something else, I went off in my own direction for a few years. At the age of 28, I had another opportunity to attend college, and realizing the need to do something, I chose journalism as a career path and went to community college in the area. The Belleville Area. Bring a crayon!

Having achieved an associate's degree, and having enough schooling to proceed into the work force, I stopped school and went to work for a newspaper. I have no regrets about doing that, the degree I had was enough to get me in, and if I would have played my cards right I could still be working there, in a field that to this day I still find interesting. But for whatever reason, I could not stay satisfied in that role, and quit that job in 1999. Thinking that money was the reason for looking elsewhere, I took a courier job. The money was pretty good, as long as I was willing to work hard. And there's nothing wrong with that concept, I just got really tired after a few years. And the price of gas didn't help matters.

So I came to another crossroads, another time when I needed to assess my options and make choices.

I was fortunate to have support from my family, so I was able to consider returning to school. My choice eventually was to do what is so rampant throughout my family, and that is to teach. So given still another opportunity, I was able to secure a bachelor's degree.

Hindsight is 20/20 you know. Here's what I can see now: I can see the Lord working -- so hard -- to provide me with continued opportunities to finish school. Even though I messed up and ignored those opportunities, He gave me more. He also gave me a loving family that encouraged me and fed me while I was a sponging student. He provided me with enough working brain cells to complete my studies with a decent GPA; and trust me, that is a miracle. He also gave me enough fortitude to ignore most of the progressive, liberal bias that was being shoved down my throat and concentrate on learning. And when I was forced to defend my beliefs, I did so successfully with the Lord's help.

Now I search for a teaching position. I know the Lord will not abandon me now. I know He has given me opportunities for a reason. I seek open doors. When I see one I will walk through it. Still I have wonders, and doubts. But I need only to use my hindsight, and think about opportunities gained, and lost, and those yet to come. It is easy to carry guilt about past mistakes, but that's not God doing that. God wants us to learn from mistakes but focus on what's ahead. I am sure of that.

This might be off base or just stupid; but to me, the day that I land a teaching job, everything that has happened in the past -- all of the mistakes, all of the opportunities, all of the learning -- will make sense. Everything that has happened will have been for a purpose and a reason. I can stop feeling guilty about my mistakes and stop feeling bad for not helping to support my family over the past few years. I already believe that's true, but until that job becomes a reality I can't wrap my tiny mind around it.

To those students who graduated high school or college and stood with me that day, I say congratulations. These are achievements -- you have earned them, and they cannot be taken away from you. But I ask you to think about opportunities. Some people never get the chance to go to college, and some don't get the chance to finish high school. When you do get opportunities, don't let them slip away. It took me way too long to realize that. Seize your opportunities. God has a plan for you.